There are many ways to express love. Words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are considered the classic love languages. They show how we both give and get love. In Tamil culture, I’ve noticed that food is one of the most central ways to express love.
I grew up surrounded by people who showed me care and love. My mom, siblings, and the rest of my family have showered me with love throughout my upbringing. I feel incredibly fortunate. But, as you grow older, there tends to be less physical affection – fewer hugs and kisses.
«Have you eaten?»
This is the first question my mom asks me almost every time we talk on the phone. And it happens almost daily. The same question comes from my sisters and brother when I visit them. 
No matter the time of day, they always make sure to prepare something for me. It’s often exactly what I need at that moment.
When I visit my sisters, especially when I’m feeling alone or overwhelmed, they don’t ask many questions. They make something simple and quick – just what I need to feel seen and loved.
Every time I go to Bergen, where my parents live, I am spoiled with food. My mom asks me two weeks in advance what I would like to eat. Even though I tell her not to stress, she always ends up making something new for every meal. The best dish I know involves yesterday’s rice. It’s mixed with coconut milk, green chili, and chopped red onion. Finally, it is topped with a squeeze of lime juice. It tastes heavenly with either fried dried fish or lime pickle (urugay). Often, the simplest yet most flavorful meals are the best comfort food I can get. It’s just as good as a warm hug.
The same goes for homemade roti with yesterday’s fish curry (meen kulambu). In the afternoon, I’m served homemade butter cake with my tea.
When I was younger, I took the food – and the love that came with it – for granted. Now, I realize that every meal was a quiet declaration of love. It was a way of saying «I care about you» without words.
Tamil cuisine
Tamil food is not only about taste. It is also about the stories behind the ingredients. Moreover, the way the food is prepared tells a story. Dishes like meen kulambu (fish curry) and urugay (pickles) are more than just food. They represent cultural heritage. This heritage is passed down through generations. Ingredients like coconut, tamarind, and various spices form the basis of many dishes and are part of our identity. Homemade food is not just nourishment; it is a connection to family and traditions.
Last year, I returned to my hometown, where I spent my childhood, to reconnect with my roots. Here in Sri Lanka, I spend a lot of time with my grandmother, my aunt, and her family. My mother’s younger sister is the one who always takes care of me. Her love language is also food. Over the past two months, I’ve been eating incredibly well: homemade, healthy, and locally sourced food. Everything from fresh fruit straight from the trees to classic Tamil dishes that bring back memories and give comfort.
What I have learned
Through food, my family shows love. This is also true for many Tamils. Through homemade food, we express care, and family bonds are strengthened precisely through this language. I have not always appreciated this love enough, but I have become more aware of it recently.
Now, I’m trying to get better at making Tamil food myself. My goal is to master a number of Tamil dishes. It’s not just for the taste. I want to pass on this tradition. This silent language says: «I see you, I care about you, and you are a part of me.»
